VOICE UP
by Katy Sudano, Board Member of VOICE Today
“Today I found myself after searching all these years… I was broken beyond repair… It feels like I’m born again. It feels like I am living, for the very first time. It feels like I’m breathing. It feels like I’m moving. For the very first time, I’m living for the first time. In my life.”
From the song Born Again by Third Day
My name is Katy. I’ve been living in a very dense fog. Though, I’ve been aware of it, I didn’t know where it came from, how to get out of it, if it was real or part of my imagination. Or maybe I’ve been suffering, since childhood, from a foggy feeling that I just couldn’t understand.
My world is much clearer today. I will explain what the fog was, how it worked, and how I learned to see through it in future blogs. But first I want to give you the brand name of the “fog lights” that allowed me to see what was ahead and what was in the rear view mirror.
My fog was complicated. It was filled with deep colors that shifted constantly and I couldn’t see through it. The darkest colors kept me from seeing myself the way others see me—vibrant, beautiful, smart, loving, and talented.
In the fog, I was never good enough for anyone or anything. After all, I was constantly starting exciting, creative projects and quickly putting them aside, afraid of not succeeding.
For three years I searched for the right charity to volunteer my time and energy and nothing had taken hold. The organizations I approached wanted my money but none of them had a place for me or for who I am. I saw myself as a failure--even at volunteering. I gave up and gave in to the material things that helped me feel better for a little while. But no matter how nice my home or car, no matter how many cool gadgets, clothes, or gifts I bought for myself or my five children, nothing filled the void and the fog just got more and more in my way.
So did my problems. I kept pushing the people that loved me away and I lost interest in many things I cared about. I couldn’t understand why I was so sensitive and took everything personally. I thought that everyone was attacking me, and the fog kept getting thicker and higher. Then something happened.
My husband is a chiropractor. One day a patient came over to our house and shared with me that she volunteers at a certain organization and, given my past (which I had no memory of telling her about) she thought I might be a good fit for them. It sounded wonderful and I prayed that this charity wouldn’t just give me a sheet of paper outlining how much money I would have to pay to be a sponsor.
A few days later I found myself standing in five-inch heels and my favorite outfit in front of a building. I was ready to impress. I had my outer confidence “statue” on and my best smile. This meeting was about helping others, but being in my fog, I longed for attention and affirmation. I needed to be wanted for who I am, not for the money I had to offer.
I walked in and met Angela Williams, the founder of VOICE Today. I shook her hand and was overwhelmed with the certainty that not only was I in the right place--I had stepped into a strange new beginning. It was like walking into the showroom of a car dealership where new leather smells ooze out of the cars and beg you to open one up, sit inside, and absorb the power of the engine and the elegance of the wood. It feels so good, so enticing, you just have to have it. Meeting Angela pulled at me and I knew I had found my fog lights.
We had a three-hour meeting but it seemed as if only moments had passed. I wasn’t sure exactly what my role would be or how they were going to use me. All I knew was that I was ready. I also knew that I needed to see through the fog to truly be of any help to anyone. And there it was, the brand name of my “fog lights,” VOICE Today!
What is VOICE Today? What does VOICE Today mean? How could it be so powerful that I felt as though I was buying a new high-end car with great fog lights?
VOICE Today is a VOICE for the survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It’s a VOICE of protection for children and a VOICE of prevention for adults.
Having the courage to speak about child sexual abuse is the beginning of freedom for anyone who has been involved with these darkest of colors. VOICE UP is a blog for anyone who wants to understand why survivors of child sexual abuse do, say, and think the way they do. Why they make bad choices and punish themselves with destructive behaviors. Most importantly, it leads to VOICE Today, a resource for true healing.
I am a SURVIVOR of child sexual abuse, molestation, rape, and attempted rape. By writing VOICE UP, I hope to help change the astronomical statistics from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control): one in four girls are abused by age 18, one in six boys are abused by age 18.
Ninety percent of childhood sexual abuse comes from someone the child knows, loves and trusts! AND ONLY one in ten will ever tell because they are afraid of being blamed.
We can’t stop childhood sexual abuse until society stops blaming the survivors. To change society we have to give survivors the permission and encouragement they need to speak up and tell their stories. It is the only way we can clear the fog. It is up to us to give them the power to put the blame for childhood sexual abuse where it rightly belongs--on the abusers!
I invite you to check out the website at www.voicetoday.org and join the movement. Be an advocate and pledge to do what you can to eliminate these staggering statistics!
VOICE Today is breaking the silence and cycle of child sexual abuse worldwide through Awareness , Prevention, and Healing.
http://www.voicetoday.org/